Time Wasters

It's precious...

Relevant to the title let me get straight to my point. Who or what is wasting your time? I saw a quote from a book I am reading called the Purpose Driven Life.

“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.”

It’s blatantly obvious but not something people think about. Put it into context - it's actually quite scary. Days go by and inevitably  we are all closer to our deaths.

Bearing that in mind life is to be lived well and time is to be taken seriously.

Can you think of a day you wasted? That precious day was a day you could have done something meaningful...

Where has this post come from?

Last week, I had a much-needed conversation with one of my closest friends. We spoke about strange friends, old flames, and bad habits.... It was from that conversation I felt it was relevant to discuss the gems I picked up.

How do you spend your day? Regarding this I will write from the perspective of someone at work.

I can honestly say there have been times where I have let a day sail by at work. As soon as it gets to the end of the day I couldn't tell you what I had achieved. I'd find myself half starting tasks and shying away from the ones I really didn't want to do. I would dilly-dally – check my phone, get distracted by emails, my productivity really wasn't the best.

My scatty work ethic meant that I wasted days without achieving much. It's hard to get organised but it honestly is the way. Once you complete your tasks you are able to think about things that can help you at work. These could be things such as - improvements to your role, working on projects, innovating new things…

Of course this is easier said than done but once you have that focus to organise yourself and cut out the time wasting activities you will have more time to for other things.

How about weekends? It is really important to rest and relax. Do things you enjoy doing but does getting hammered every Friday or Saturday night equate to fun? You go out, enjoy the booze, wake up the next day feeling like shit and end up spending the whole day in bed. Before you know it your weekend has gone.

What??!!

What exactly did you do then? What are the benefits? Don't get me wrong if you want to enjoy yourself by all means do it. But that time you spent hammered in bed could have been time that could have been spend doing other things? Like visiting your parents (they need your time too - remember that), spending time with your younger cousin etc....going to Portobello market and bumping into your future husband/wife lol.

Who is wasting your time?

The bane of my life! If like me you are too nice in life then you will relate. You need to be tactful about who you give your time to. Take a look at your circle of friends. Who is benefiting your life and who is wearing you down? I’ll elaborate.

For the people benefiting your life they should have a few of the following points:

·       They genuinely want to know how you are. When you talk to them they listen, they have time to advise you,

       they are actually concerned about the happenings of your life.

·       They encourage you to be better. When you have an idea they encourage you (if it's a good one) they tell you to go for it and if you are lucky they will help you find ways to pursue your idea.

An example - Monica has a great voice and wants to perform. She is shy and keeps putting it off. Her best friend puts her name down for an open mic night in Shoreditch. Monica is really angry about it at first but she realises her friend does it with her best interest at heart. She does it and is happy.

·       They are there for you when things are bad.

When you are down your friend should see and try to be there. Even if they don't say much at all they should be that person willing to listen.

Saw this on Twitter - #cute

·       Your friend should be someone you learn from. Honestly what is the point in being acquainted with stupid people? They will bring you down mentally and that in itself is exhausting!

·       They only care about themselves. They never ask how you are. They never ask what your plans are. They just literally chew your ear with their stories. NO

·       They want you around to boost their egos. I've been in a situation like this. I was around literally to tell them how great they were. Where they go I would be there cheering like a loser. They rely on you for their encouragement due to their own insecurities. They never boost your ego no; it's all about them.

·       They are not on the same intellectual level as you. They take things at face value and don’t realise that to every situation there is complexity and depth. If you are around people like this then you will find yourself constantly having to defend things you say and your actions. They just wont understand you. I’ll give you an example. Anika and Ronisha are my best friends from school but they are not people I spend time with everyday nor are they people I talk to every day. We try to catch up as much as possible but life gets in the way. When we do meet it’s like we have never been apart. We all understand that things are busy. Now, I have a friend who I’ve know for about 2 years. Again she is someone that I don’t always speak to. She gets annoyed that I haven’t spent time with her and emotionally blackmails me into feeling guilty. *Sense check* I hardly spend time with my school friends but they UNDERSTAND that we won’t always see and talk to each other…. If I can’t even see my best friends often what makes you think I have time for you? It happens! People like that lock right off. Intellectually you are on different wavelengths – it’s draining. It’s not just about time consciousness but also allowing negativity to enter your aura.

It’s important to ask yourself what are you learning from the people around you.

Are you learning how to talk about people or are you learning how to support your family?

Are you learning what rave to go to next? Or are you planning your next cultural escapade?

Are you learning about Facebook and Instagram…or are you discovering a gap in the market and creating you own app?

Think guys think!

Relationships

I’m not too experienced in this field but I will give you my take on things...

Is he or she really into you? Like really into you? Or are they bored and lonely? Think about it…Do you naturally flow together. Do you actually see yourself with this person long term and do they think the same?

If the answer is yes invest your TIME and ENERGY in him or her! Let your relationship flourish because once you let him or her go…. you can either breathe that huge sigh of relief or you feel like you have lost something that you actually loved.

Now back to time wasting antics…

Are you an agony aunt to them? Are you there to "FIX" what is broken? Or to help them become that person? Do you do a lot of supporting?  All of that is lovely but maybe you need your hand holding?

An ex came back into my life recently. Asking for my help with something. I agreed to help him, but after I had spoken to some of my friends and thought about it I thought, Jennifer, what the **** are you doing? Why go back and help this person out? Are you a FOOL or what? 

I would be using my precious time when I would have much rather done something commendable.

Consequently I sent him a message saying I am no longer available. Why I even considered helping in the first place is questionable. I wanted to help and I always do but there comes a time where you have to draw the line. Its good to help but remember you need help too.

Support is really important in relationships and it should be both ways.

If the see saw isn’t balancing in the middle you have a lot of thinking to do.

Do they encourage you to chase your wildest dreams (Like a star with the Sugababes really has some beautiful lyrics) or does he ridicule them? Does she/he help you shape your future or does he or she barely know what it is you really want to do?

I have two friends that I met at work a few years ago. I always knew they would make a good couple and it wasn’t hard to notice the way he would look at her sometimes. I told him to ask her out and kept on bugging him to.

This was about 3 years ago? I recently met up with him and he told me that they are dating! I was really happy and told him to make sure he looks after her! Now the girl used to be an illustrator and would draw from time to time. I told him to encourage that because a) it’s her passion b) who knows where it could take her and c) it’s the little things like that that show you are encouraging your partner!

Now sometimes the dreams your partner may have can be a little wacky or extreme. Lol – don’t ridicule them no, talk to them about it…there may be a hidden gem in the craziness.

Take an active interest in each other’s lives because before they met you, there were things they enjoyed doing. Don’t dismiss these things because ‘you’re not into it’. Learn. You may find out something that you didn’t know and who knows it could benefit you.

Social Media

Be wary of social media. It’s both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because you can connect with people you lost touch with, you can find out information quickly and you can grow your online presence- this is particularly good if you are a new retailer or an artist for example.

The bad things however is that it can take up a lot of your time. You can look at the amazing lives people have and compare (I’m guilty of that) or read a pointless argument between people on twitter? Or analyse who has the best ‘selfie’ on instagram.

Events

Pick the ones you go to wisely. I’m guilty of this. I go to quite a few and some are great but some are waste of times. Pick ones that are relevant to you and that you think can benefit you. Imagine going to a networking event. You speak to a few people, get a few business cards, email them to ‘express how nice it was to meet them’ and that’s it? What did you achieve? Is there a follow up? Or just a nice message? It’s good to get out of your comfort zone because networking isn’t a simple task. But network with an aim.

So this isn’t a rant, I just wanted to share some tips.

Another friend this week said to me. It’s easy to say next year I will do such and such, but how do you know you will be here next year? Yes we should have faith that we will be but you just don’t know what God’s plans are.

I’m fortunate enough to have a friend who broke it down to me and I thought it would be good to share.

Stop wasting time.