This is my most personal post so far. One about me and my feelings. Here goes….
My wisdom tooth was taken out yesterday. Ouch. Yes extreme pain, anxiety, nauseousness and nervousness. I’ve never really had to go to hospital, so when I found out I had to have my tooth out under general anaesthetic I panicked slightly. I changed my appointment about 3 times and managed to convince myself that I didn't really need to have the tooth growing into my cheek removed.
I suffered. I struggled to eat, constantly slicing the left side of my cheek as I ate. It was getting close to Christmas too and this would most definitely ruin my Christmas dinner(s).
It was that time of year where good cheer fills the atmosphere (see what I did there?). So rather than only having that one big dinner on the 25th December (spilling over to the 26th, 27th), you also find yourself meeting up with many friends, meeting for long over due Christmas dinners and catch ups. Basically a lot of eating is involved.
In a panic, I rang my dental surgery to see if I could get my late January appointment moved to something sooner. They unsurprisingly told me there was nothing earlier. All I could do was wait.
The day eventually came and yesterday was D Day for me. I told my dad about the appointment a while ago and he was to accompany me.
Last week I had a heated conversation with him in the car:
Dad: So you are having your tooth removed under General Anaesthetic?
Me: Yes Dad
Dad: Why not local?
Me: Because General is better for something that intense!
Dad: So many things complications can happen with general. I would always choose local
Me: Dad why didn't you tell me before? Now i’m scared….
I was scared. I mean having an injection that would make you sleep and forget? I remember a few years ago when my ex boyfriend damaged his knee badly whilst playing football. He had to have surgery and was put under general anaesthetic. I will never forget how he described the feeling to me.
“It’s as if you are sleeping, but not. Nothing is going through your mind. It’s a large black void in your mind….you wake up and it was as if nothing ever happened. It’s like you have died and then suddenly have come back”
Those words have always stayed with me. It was after all a freaky description.
Both my parents came with me yesterday and their support was immense.
I arrived at the clinic, filling in all the forms and was then taken to the doctor. He explained the procedure to me and introduced me to the anaesthetist who prepared the anaesthetic. He asked me a few questions and I'm sure was aware of the tears forming in my eyes. He injected my hand, I felt dizzy..the next thing I know I was asleep.
I woke up to sounds of my name, a view of my mum and a feeling of numbness and disorientation.
I lay in the ‘recovery room’ and listened to the sobbing sounds of the young girl next to my cubicle. From what I gathered, it took her a while to wake up and she was totally unaware of where she was and what had happened. Her mum constantly comforted her. It was sweet but irritating at the same time. Her sobs were loud.
My mum eventually did come in and I remember tears falling on to my cheeks. I was so thankful I was alive because for some strange reason I thought something would happen to me.
My dad’s reaction to me being under general anaesthetic, my sister the night before had told me to look out for the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’, and numerous people had posed the ‘what if questions’ to me.
I took these all to be signs. I was happy to wake up. Life really is a beautiful gift.
A few days ago Komla Dumor a prestigious Ghanaian journalist passed away suddenly. He was only 41, had a great and inspiring career and was portrayed as a lovely, genuine and humble guy.
I mean how could that happen to him? Why? Life really isn't fair.
My parents were there to escort me home. In the car, although still under the influence of the General Anasthetic, I was aware that my dad constantly checked my pulse and held my hand throughout the journey home.
At home, my sister greeted me with a ‘Mate did you see heaven?’ She also came to hug and kiss me and although I was knocked out I was able to smack her off me #nonsense.
Mum got me some Nkrakra (Ghanaian light soup) and because the instructions I had said I could only consume cold liquids, she cooled it down for me. My youngest sister bought me some Wotsits on her way home from school (Crisps that are easy to eat).
I felt well and truly LOVED.
Thats the importance of having a loving family. I feel blessed to be in the family I am in and will strive to achieve the same for the family I will bring into this world.
I have a few questions for those who are married…
What does it feel like? Honestly? How did you know they were the right one? Did you click straight away or did it take you a while? Does he/she love everything about you? Does he/she ignore the things they don’t like about you? Does he/she tell you when you do something wrong?
Does he/she fart in front of you? That’s pretty embarrassing. What happens if you need to do it? Won’t they find you disgusting?
What about if you need to poo? My gosh?
What about seeing you without the make up or in your home clothes????
Are you comfortable sleeping in the double/king/queen sized bed? Especially if you are comfortably used to your single bed? Flipping the pillow and making sure the blankets fit YOU. With another body there isn't that uncomfortable?
How do you deal with other people? Because other people always have their stupid opinions. Are you both rocks? Nothing shakes you?
What about independence? If you are used to doing things your way? To suddenly include another person into the mix is daunting? Or does it just work out and flow?
You’ve spend your time looking at all the niceties of the relationships. How do you let the ugly parts slide?
Take me for example. I have a few strange habits. My nose/throat constantly give me grief (sinus issues) - I make noises especially during my sleep :-(. I have an obsessions with ‘clean eyes’ - No eye boogies allowed, from time to time I unfortunately suffer from cold-sores and my personality although pleasant can at times push people away. I’m really particular about the way a man eats too. If he eats slobbery then it will put me right off!
Will anyone want to put up with that? Especially when there are many others out there who are not as complex?
Does that one person out there really exist? Or is it a 10 minute infactuation propelled by the inability to be alone?
Are kids a blessing or an annoying pull back and distraction on your life?
How will it fit together and work?
Despite my questions, I patiently await the next chapter in my life. The idea of sharing my life with a new loving family excites me. To have him by my side, through thick and thin, to support and encourage me, to help me become the best that I can be. Likewise with him, to submit (and yes I will), to help him lead our family, to encourage him to be the man God intended him.
I fear bringing up children in this cruel world. I constantly question who and what they will be influenced by. I worry about my future son, because I know that when he grows into a man, I can’t mummy him. He will have to find his own way. After all thats what part of being a man is. His father needs to be there to direct him, just as I will direct my future daughter (and son too).
Family may be annoying at times but honestly where are you without the people that love you the most? After all recovering from a dose of General Anaesthetic requires serious family support!
